Today, I realized something very important. I am still madly in love with Zachary. When my phone lights up, I secretly hope it's him. I dream about him most nights, and wake up in the morning to the realization that that's all over. I still adore his family and wish that I had them to lean on in this tough time, but I don't. And when I think of the eyes I will be looking into when I say, "I do", I desperately hope they are his beautiful two different colored ones.
Despite the pain that this brings me, and the tears rolling down my cheeks, I know that it's a good thing that I still love him. It shows that, no matter how much hurt I endure in this life, I will be able to love at the end of it all.
My heart is so broken and I can feel it with every breath. But that's definitely better than being numb. Lord, may I never become apathetic. May I hurt, cry, love, mourn, and in the morning rejoice. Just let me never go numb.
My God is Enough <3
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