I am Still Not Ready

I'm terrified to go home.  I really wanted to see my family this weekend, and spend time with them.  And I would have loved to see all my old friends.  But I'm scared.  I'm not ready.

I'm afraid to see the couch we were sitting on when we had our first kiss, or the stove where he used to make me pancakes in the morning, or the path by my house that we used to walk together.  Or to see that engagement ring I waited so long to wear back in its drawer.  I'm not ready to sleep in the bed that he tucked me into so many times.  And I am least of all ready to see him.

I don't know why these things frighten me so.  And I don't know if I will ever be ready.  For some reason it feels like going home will finalize the fact that the man I want to spend the rest of my life with no longer loves me.

I am sorry, to the family and friends that miss me.  I am sorry that I can't come home.  Please just know that I love you all.

And, ultimately, that I will learn that My God is Enough <3